Originally published 6/18/24
Have you ever worked with someone who just can’t seem to do anything right? Like if they could just get it together by being more organized, focused, and better with time management – they would be the perfect employee. Maybe you’ve actually been that person at one point.
For those of us with ADHD, getting it together is not that simple. Executive dysfunction is one of our biggest challenges with no one-size-fits-all solution. To others, it may appear as a lack of intelligence, capability, or care, but in reality, the person living with these challenges is trying their best while facing an almost insurmountable obstacle.
But what if, in another role, these executive function challenges disappear for those with ADHD? What does that look like? When do strengths from ADHD come into play? Most importantly, how can someone find a role where ADHD is an asset?
Before delving into that, let’s talk about Kayla, the worst assistant ever.
Who is Kayla and why is she the worst assistant ever?
Kayla is a fictional character from the series Hacks. It’s hilarious and I’ve been a big fan since day one.
For those who are not familiar with Hacks, it explores a dysfunctional mentorship that forms between Deborah Vance, a legendary Las Vegas comedian, and Ava Daniels, an entitled, outcast 25-year-old writer.
Kayla could not be a worse assistant for Deborah’s agent, Jimmy LaSaque Jr.
Here’s a small sample of what Jimmy deals with on the regular.
- Texting the wrong person back
- Double booking events
- Speaking out of turn
- Not following directions
- Forgetting to do simple tasks
- Impulsive decision making
Sound familiar? It never dawned on me that she was dealing with executive function issues until watching the recently aired and fantastic season 3 finale. Now I see Kayla in a whole new light.
Before I go further let’s get this out of the way.
🚨!!!SPOILER ALERT!!!🚨
Watching Hacks prior to reading this newsletter is not required (couldn’t hurt though). I’ll try to keep it as general as possible and will not reveal the big season 3 finale twist, but it will contain specific spoilers. You’ve been warned.
What does ADHD have to do with Hacks?
Throughout the series, Kayla’s a big, bright, bolt of comic relief in every scene. Never is she taken as someone with serious ambition to be more than what she is already. For Jimmy, seeing Kayla’s faults was easy, and while he fully accepted her for them– he had no idea she was capable of transcending those faults.
This comes to a head after Kayla takes it upon herself to set up a lunch meeting with a former childhood friend who has gone from being a former Disney kid, to transitioning to a serious actor. Signing her would be a huge win for Jimmy’s agency.
Turns out this former friend is a complete jerk. Especially to Kayla. During this lunch a whole different side of Kayla was revealed as the former friend was really just a childhood bully for her. It was heartbreaking to see Kayla revert back to masking and people pleasing as coping mechanisms.
For the first time, we see what the toll of not being respected and taken seriously has on Kayla.
In an effort to stand up for Kayla, Jimmy cuts the meeting short and refuses to sign her friend due to the way she treats her. This backfires massively for him as by doing so, he misses how much this would have meant to Kayla to land a big client on her own. To Kayla, this confirms that Jimmy does not see her as an equal, but just a “F*** up” like everyone else. She decides to quit on the spot as a result.
I’ll admit, hearing Kayla tell Jimmy “Yeah I mess up a lot, but I’m really trying” got me a bit misty-eyed. This is the ADHD experience in a nutshell.
When do strengths from ADHD come into play?
Like Kayla, I’ve had executive function issues all my life. Over time, I’ve picked up a few coping mechanisms and masking techniques to get me through the day. Being a restaurant manager was something I hadn’t considered. Opportunity arose for me but only after two other people declined the promotion. I soon found out that certain aspects of the job worked well for my brain. I wasn’t 100% aware of why but I knew it worked, mostly.
With time comes perspective and with the help of coaching, I can now look back at my career with more of an understanding of when I showed up at my best and why.
In moments of crisis, I was able to maintain a calm demeanor. When presented with a problem, I could think outside of the box to arrive at a solution not seen by others. I could tap into boundless energy to move mountains when needed. Anytime creativity was a requirement for the task or project I was working on, I would light up inside with possibility and be able to find all the focus I needed easily.
ADHD is definitely not a superpower, but it does come with benefits if managed properly. Strengths and weaknesses are often two sides of the same coin.
How can someone find a role where ADHD is an asset?
I would not have progressed throughout my career if people didn’t take chances on me. I’ve been lucky to have people see potential in me, despite some obvious and not so obvious shortcomings. I may not have been the first choice each time, but I was chosen nonetheless.
Here’s where the story flips for Kayla. Facing the possibility of losing Kayla, Jimmy makes one last ditch effort to get her back. Right before take off, he boards the flight Kayla is taking to Mykonos to convince her to stay and work with him.
Jimmy tells her:
“I’ve underestimated you”
“You think outside of the box. Yes, inside that box are skills like calendar, texting the right person back, scheduling that you do not have a handle on at all, but that’s ok because sometimes the greatest visionaries struggle with executive functioning”
“You are not an assistant. You are a manager and a great one”
“So please stay with me and be my partner”
This is when Jimmy went from seeing what everyone else saw in her, and took a chance on the potential that he saw in her.
Why was this edition titled “In Praise of Brock, the Best Line Leader”?
As a new coach, I’m still in the process of getting my practice off the ground. To pay the bills in the meantime I’ve been moonlighting as a substitute teacher. It’s been interesting being back in a classroom environment with the knowledge and experience with ADHD I have now. I can see kids struggling with executive function just like I did when I was a child.
I picked up on one kid who seemed to have some of the same struggles. Let’s call him Brock. I was working at one school back-to-back days as a PE teacher. The playground was off-site so each day we would walk the various students about two blocks back and forth. Everyone wanted to be the line leader and I knew that choosing the right person was key to avoiding some of the chaos.
On the first day, Brock was all over the place, causing havoc at the end of the line. The monotonous act of walking in a straight line with the rest of the class with nothing interesting to occupy himself with made him get a bit rowdy. Reminded me of myself at that age.
On the second day, the kids were more roused up than before. We made all the students sit down quietly before being allowed to line up. It sounds easy, but it was a tall task that day. Brock came up to me and asked if he could be the line leader. One of the administrators caught wind and immediately warned me not to choose him, labeling him as a “trouble maker.”
Something was telling me I should take a chance on Brock. Maybe it was because of how sincere he looked when he asked. Or maybe it was because he reminded me of myself at that age. Or maybe it was because of how coaching has changed my perspective on where our strengths show up.
I told him that I would let him be but only under two conditions. If he could sit down quietly before lining up and if he could promise me he would be the best line leader by keeping the line straight and staying by my side the whole time. He agreed, and I encouragingly told him that I know he can do it.
And you know what, out of about 14 different classes I walked back and forth those two days, Brock was the best line leader out of all of them.
Maybe Brock just needed someone to stop seeing him for his struggles in one area and start seeing him for the potential he has in other areas.
In coaching, sometimes the real progress happens between sessions. Until the next newsletter, ask yourself these questions;
What type of roles brought out the best in you?
What were the specific duties or responsibilities of those roles where energy and focus came easily?
How can you be seen for your potential, rather than your struggles?
Contact me at carlos@bayareaadhdcoach.com or visit www.bayareaadhdcoach.com if you would like to see how ADHD Coaching can change your life.
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