Originally published October 15, 2024
Originally, when I set out to write this newsletter, I called it “A Bi-Weekly Newsletter.” I had every intention of putting out an edition about every two weeks. I planned a list of topics and felt inspired, with activation not being an issue at all. Each edition was an exhilarating journey from conception to publication. But after three editions and one article, I sit here, having not published anything since July.
What happened in between?
While my one-on-one and group coaching have continued to go well, I somehow lost the spark and ability to complete the next article. Call it writer’s block, but each time I sat down to write, I just couldn’t get the words to flow as they did before. Things just didn’t come together. All my usual tricks to unlock my brain didn’t work. Writing started to feel like a chore instead of something fun and full of wonder.
The weeks started piling up slowly with no clear plan to publish something again.
Would this turn into another one of those things started in a burst of inspiration only to be forgotten once that initial excitement wore off, and left in the ADHD scrapheap of unfinished passion projects?
Those of us with ADHD know this experience all too well.
I Could Have Sworn I Saw a Light Coming On
Our brains have a funny way of tricking us. They create these invisible barriers that can be hard to identify on our own. Through ADHD coaching, we help clients see these barriers more clearly. We act as their mirrors, reflecting back the words and phrases they use to describe themselves and their world while asking, “Why?”
As I continued working with clients, flickers of inspiration would spark here and there, but they never fully caught fire. It was so close, but something was in the way.
Part of the beauty of ADHD coaching is that while we are helping our clients through their journey with ADHD, they are also helping us with ours.
The moment when a client can see the barriers they put up for themselves clearly for the first time can be life-changing, a real “aha” moment. Once they have the awareness, real change can begin.
While each ADHD brain works differently, the issues we struggle with often have similar patterns. Through helping my clients with their struggles, I began to recognize my own.
Open Up, and Begin Again
All-or-nothing thinking comes up a lot with my clients. They mention how whatever it is they are working on has to be absolutely perfect or else it can’t be finished. Everything has to be just right. They often wait in vain as the pursuit of perfection becomes the enemy of the very good.
One client felt overwhelming anxiety about getting a work report exactly right. They held off submitting what was essentially a complete report because they needed just one more piece of information to make it “perfect.” This perfectionism kept them from moving on to the next project, even though they knew it would have been better to submit a good report quickly than a perfect one late.
Imposter syndrome is another barrier. We tell ourselves we’re not good enough because we lack the education, experience, or talent we think we need—when in reality, we already have everything we need.
Another client struggled with activation in their business. As an entrepreneur, they felt they needed to master finances and sales projections before working on the part of the business that excites them. The problem was that gaining that knowledge wasn’t enjoyable or interesting to them. Together, we explored why they believed that knowledge was a prerequisite to progress, and we discovered their fear of failure at the root of it.
But what if success looked different? How can we make success work for where they are at right now?
After reevaluating what success looks like, they realized they had been working on their business in small, consistent ways all along. Sometimes, success is just showing up.
Working with these clients got me thinking about my predicament as I began to see my own struggles reflected in theirs.
Perfectionism was holding me back. I was putting too much pressure on myself thinking that every newsletter had to be this grand work of art. Nothing felt good enough. Overthinking the newsletter was leading to paralysis by analysis.
I began to see myself as an imposter. Not a real writer because I hadn’t been publishing the newsletter consistently. I saw other coaches publish article after article and thought “I must not be as knowledgeable or as good of a coach as them if I can’t do the same”. Doubt snuck in through the cracks of my confidence.
For both my clients and I, a new approach was needed to move past these barriers.
Let’s Go Down the Waterfall
While writing this edition, I almost fell into the same traps that had stopped me before. I had to constantly remind myself of something I tell my clients from time to time:
“Let’s be wrong!”
When I say this, it’s to take the pressure off from feeling like we have to get everything right all the time. It’s ok if things aren’t perfect. There is always something to learn from failure. If something doesn’t work, that’s ok. Let’s look at why and figure out what to do differently next time. Often, within that “failure,” we find small pieces that worked, and we build from there.
An important part of the coaching process is to be flexible. Change and adjust according to what works and doesn’t work for you. Looking back at the time between this edition and the last, I saw glimpses of what was working for me and built on them.
I’ve been toying around with this idea of basing newsletter editions on songs that I love and inspire me since edition #3 (based on this Beatles song in case you missed it) and using the lyrics as the guide for the structure. At the end of the editions, I could post a link to said song. It might not be for everyone, but it gives me the creative spark I need to write. I couldn’t have completed this edition without letting myself explore that idea.
Back in August, I started sending session recaps for my weekly group coaching sessions. These recaps have a simple structure. I begin with a “quote of the session”—usually something a member says that captures the vibe of the session. Then, I add links to anything relevant to our discussion: articles, podcasts, noise-canceling earbuds, or body-doubling sessions. I keep them short and simple.
As I looked back on these recaps, it occurred to me that I had been consistently sending these for the past three months. How could I write the recaps so easily and consistently but not my newsletter? Maybe it has to do with keeping it short, simple, and pressure free.
I decided to approach this edition as a bit of an experiment. By allowing myself to take inspiration from where it was abundant, keeping the concept simple, and being ok with it not being absolutely perfect, I was able to get to a place of completion. Damn it feels good writing that sentence.
Keep It Moving
I’ve been rethinking what this newsletter can be. Using music as a metaphor, maybe there are “albums” and “singles.” The albums are the longer editions, and the singles are the session recaps I’ve been sending. This would give me the freedom to take my time on topics/ideas that deserve special treatment while still sticking with the original goal of this newsletter being bi-weekly.
Let’s try it. Here’s the session recap from last week. Raw, unedited, and complete.
10/10/24 Session Recap
Quote of the Session: “Sometimes it takes a while to connect the dots” Coaching is a process. Not every session does the client walk out with some huge realization. But a crumb left here and there or a thread to pull on starts down a path where they are able to put things together. The space between sessions is where some of the real magic happens. You could be doing the dishes, out running errands, or just relaxing when suddenly, the “aha!” moment happens. The key is to just let it happen. Don’t force it.
Rumination is a Form of Stimulation!: We spent some time on spiraling negative thoughts. At one point mid-session, we had to pull ourselves out of a bit of a rumination spiral. I’ve heard it in these sessions and with my clients many times, “why does my mind keep focusing on the negative?”. One of the reasons is that ADHD brains crave stimulation and rumination is a form of stimulation. I came across this article that touches on how one coach breaks the rumination cycle through walks. Thought it was a perfect compliment to what we discussed this past session. How I Learned to Quiet my ADHD Ruminations
I’m Presenting at ADHDvCON!!!: Finally I can announce this. Back in Aug I submitted a short video based on my newsletter to ADHDvCON, a virtual conference streaming on YouTube Live 10/22-24. My short will be played on 10/22 and I’ll be on a Q&A panel right after. I’m so excited for people to see this short I created with my daughter. It means so much to me and allowed me to tap into past interests and experiences I thought would never come back. This is what Reclaiming Your ADHD is all about. It would be an honor for anyone in this group to watch and support myself and the other amazing presenters. It’s going to be awesome!!! ADHDvCon
Wishing you all a positive next few weeks.
This edition’s inspiration was taken from Radiohead – I Might Be Wrong
To learn more about my services, visit Bay Area ADHD Coach for links to my website, one on one coaching, and free weekly group coaching.
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